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Author: Subject: Right Man -or- Right Woman...Interesting Read

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[*] posted on 12-14-2002 at 03:09 AM
Right Man -or- Right Woman...Interesting Read

*Got this in an email and just thought that I would pass it on*

Right Man or Right Woman

How Do You Know When You Found The Right Man/Woman, That God Has Chosen?

This question is a valid one and many of us have asked the same thing. Some
of us who didn't ask the question have suffered tremendously because we
choose a mate.

I want to begin answering the question by saying this - God does not "choose" a mate for you.
This is a misconception that many of us have as believers. Creflo Dollar
did a wonderful teaching on this and basically what Pastor Dollar said is
that God makes "presentations - It's up to you to choose."

The Lord doesn't make choices like that for us. He doesn't even make the choice for us to be saved. We have to "choose ye this day whom we will serve." If God doesn't force salvation on us, he certainly will not force a mate on us. So, I'm so sorry to tell you, you can't put it on God. The choice is yours. That being said, God will certainly not have us ignorant.
While He does not choose our mates, He "presents" potential mates who, based on His infinite knowledge, He feels will meet our needs.
My, my, my. If I'd only listened to the leading of the Holy Ghost and not my
flesh. But that's another story....Moving right along. I also want to add
that it is just as important to be the right person as it is to choose the
right person.

If you are not all you need to be, even if God were to send the right man/woman, you could not be in a position to receive him/her. You won't know how to treat him/her, take to him/her, love him/her, comfort him/her, support him/her, nurture him/her etc.

Ladies, I'm going to help the brothers out a little bit. Some ladies say we want a good man, with a good job, handsome, built. Don't get mad with me now, but are you where you need to be? Are you a good woman with a good job?
Do you make yourself attractive and do you keep yourself in shape? Or are
you living beneath your privilege a spoiled, big mouth, loud, unruly woman
that never combs your hair, your fingernails are dirty and you got runs in
your stockings and scuff marks on your shoes?
Lawd, y'all ain't gon' like me today. That's alright. You just need to be
honest with yourself. You want a man that looks like Denzel, shaped like
Wesley Snipes, and paid like Michael Jordan, but you don't keep yourself up,
and your credit is so bad you can't buy a tube of toothpaste on credit.
Did I say something about credit? (Lawd, let me leave that credit thangalone!)
But seriously, you've got to bring something to the table too. What do you
have to offer this wonderful brother that you're believing in God for? One
has to be honest with one's self. Now, after you have examined yourself, ask
yourself some basic questions about the man you're considering:

1. Is He/She Saved?

That's the first question you need to ask. If not, that person is not the one and if you think he or she is the one, then that might be the person, but not the one right now. You need to wait. The Bible clearly states that women are to be submissive to our husbands. It is difficult to submit to a man who is not submissive to God. He is not equipped to lead you. I don't care how much money he makes, what kind of house he lives in, what kind of car he drives, or what's in his bank account. If he does not know Jesus, he
is not the one.

2. Do you have the same! beliefs?

If you believe in speaking in tongues, does he/she believe in it too? If
you are a woman minister, does he believe in women preachers? (Some
brothas have a hard time with this one....). What was his/her religious/spiritual up bringing? Does he greet people by saying "Praise the
Lord" or does he say "Assalaamalaikum"? Would either of those bother you?

3. Do you have the same interests?

I know a couple of sistas that happen to love to read, sing, write, watch soap operas, talk shows etc. But, in a minute, they will beat any man to the TV for a good football , boxing match, and basketball . Most men can appreciate that! What things do you have in common?

4. Is he/she interested in you?

Do you have to call all the time? Go see him/her all the time? Initiate all communications? If so, the brotha/sister don't want you. I just have to, make it plain. If you have to do all the calling, all the writing, and take all the initiative, just face facts and move on. Don't run behind him/her chasing them, because even if he/she is a little bit interested, that will
turn him/her off. A person with some determination knows how to pursue what
they want. If it's you they want, he/she knows where you are. You have too
much to offer somebody to be playing cat and mouse.

5. Can he support you? (THIS ONE IS FOR THE LADIES..)

"Can he pay your bills...can he pay your telephone bill...can he pay your automobile..." or is he a "Triflin' good for nothin' type of brotha..."
It sounds like the women are gold diggers and for a woman of the world that might be the case, but we're talking about what the Bible says.
According to the Word, the man is supposed to be the head-IN EVERYTHING!
Some men want to be the head until it's time to pay bills. When it's time to
pay bills then we all equal. We are all one in the Spirit. Man, please! Ask the man if he can and is willing to support you if necessary. He might get mad, and if he does "he ain't the one." If a man is not willing to provide for you, he doesn't think very much of you. Leave him alone.
That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't work, but if you work, it should be
because of your choice, not of necessity. I'm in the book, y'all. Don't get
mad with me. Then ask yourself some basic questions:
* Is this a person you want to see for the rest of your life?
* Are you physically attracted to him?
* Does he/she have other children? If so, are you ready to be a parent to children you didn't birth?
* Is he/she your spiritual equal or greater?

Ask yourself these and other questions and be honest. Listen to the voice of
the Holy Spirit and let things line up with the Word of God.
Does he/she fit the bill?
Will he love you as Christ loves the church?
Will she willingly submit to you?
Will he be your provider, protector, comforter, nurturer, and a godly head?
Will she be your helpmate?

If you feel good about the answers to your questions, then pray about it and
trust God. Chances are, you've got the right one! If not, keep waiting.
It's better to be single for a little while longer than marry the wrong person and head to divorce court. Trust me.
Hope this has done you some good. "Often the most difficult part of faith is when no more action can be taken and nothing remains but to wait patiently
for God to work out His will. It is at this moment that doubts arise and anxiety creeps in.
"You MUST follow the process. The WILL of God will not take you where the
GRACE of God cannot keep you." Tavis Smiley"

~ Because of Him......I am.... BayBeGirl~
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[*] posted on 12-14-2002 at 01:27 PM

me personally......I like paying my own bills....but that's just me bigsmile

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[*] posted on 12-14-2002 at 07:26 PM

This was very good and so true, and surprise so many need to hear it, they still are waiting for God to send them that perfect one, but we have to do the choosing. Excellent information shared.

Be blessed Queen

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[*] posted on 12-16-2002 at 01:02 PM
very interesting Concept!

Two is better than one according to the word of God. When one falls the other is there to hold them up. I enjoy being independent as well, however it would be a blessing to have my husband be able to take care of me if i lost my job and it would be nice if my husband could contribute to paying the bills. I should not be ashamed to want this either. So many women feel like they are wrong for wanting a mate that will take care of them..due to so many men putting women down for wanting this. God's word is clear the concept of the virtuous women having her own and also the concept of the husband providing.

nice topic peace! I would like to add one more item to this list, how about dealing with the way our society is today. Men and women who have been divorced and have children, this should also be taken into consideration prior to re-marrying or marrying someone....all that glitter ain't gold...and most people only want to get their freak own, they are in no way interested in sacrificing and giving themselves in marriage.

May we all grow into the unity of the Faith....

[Edited on 12-16-2002 by intimacyme]

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smile.gif posted on 12-16-2002 at 03:16 PM
Great info...

Great Information, Only God knows Us,
so we have to put in some work to,
get to know who is right for Us, I
am Feeling You on this.....
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[*] posted on 12-16-2002 at 11:15 PM

I feel ya intimacyme. That independence thing is something else right? I guess when you are used to doing it by just don't mind continuing.

Hmmmm let me ponder on the thought of a man paying my car note

ok......I've thought about it
but he can wash it though smilegrin

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[*] posted on 5-28-2003 at 09:59 PM
re: hi <---

Good-evening BayBeGirl,

nice of you to take the time to post this...

BUMPING BACK to the TOP as more poets need to read over your message....angel25

have a bless night...


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[*] posted on 6-2-2003 at 09:03 AM
Right Man

I can't believe how sticky of a subject this is. I am a single woman and I know this is not how it was meant to be but for all the many mistakes I have made, and not knowing who I was in God, I am single. For the longest I was on a mission to get that man of God in my life, when God spoke to my heart and ask me are you that woman of God? It is not about you, it's about being a blessing to someone other than you. If it is a man of God you seek, God gives you the fruits of the spirit to lead you. In the meanwhile, look in the mirror, see if your insides line up with whats outside. If what's inside is love then what's outside can be nothing but all good. And ladies, looking good is most of time feeling good. Eat to live not live to eat . Exercise is essential. If you read your bible, Jesus walked every where he went. If we would walk a little more, and eat a little less, you will see the difference on the inside and outside. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all will be added unto you, that includes a husband. God knows what you need, he knows what you like, and if you are in position, he will send that man of God, in his time, which is right on time for you.

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[*] posted on 7-27-2011 at 10:05 AM

This is a very necessary word. Thank You.

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[*] posted on 4-20-2012 at 07:22 PM

Yes, interesting read. All I have to say is yes, God presents us with potential mates but the choice is ours. God can't be blamed for our bad choices!

Therefore, we need to pray and not be hasty in the choices that we make because marriage is not a joke or a short term event, its for a lifetime. A lifetime can be a VERY long time with a partner who is the 'wrong fit'.

Thanks for sharing! :tumble:
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[*] posted on 6-18-2012 at 03:07 PM

I'm not mad at this post at all. I'd rather be told the truth and hurt then comforted with a lie!! I had to read this twice!!! If anyone was mad after they read this then all I can say is good at least it invoked something in your spirit.
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[*] posted on 11-19-2013 at 02:51 PM

As always it seems I am the contrary one...or so those who know me think...I disagree with the God doesn't choose a mate for you thing. He has from the very beginning of time. He did not present Adam with a choice anymore than He did Eve. Hosea didn't choose Goma...that's who God chose for Him and she was a whore. Historically from Biblical days and still now in some cultures marriages were arranged...

If you pray in the Divine will of God He most certainly will send you who He has for you, for He knows in His divine wisdom what is best, who is best for us. It is somewhat insulting and limiting to God to say he sends presentations and allows you to pick the best one according to our limited minds...Satan makes presentations, he knows what we like and our desires and has no care of what is right to meet our needs. God does!! Choice comes into play with God in two ways...we can choose to accept His divine will ,in this case the mate He chooses for us, or we can pray in His permissive will. Then we are asking God to allow us to be with the mate we choose for ourselves and deal with the extra that may come from that choice. the best example is Jesus praying in the Garden...God's divine plan for salvation required that Jesus go to Calvary and die on the cross. But God's permissive will would have allowed Jesus to change His mind. For He prayed "If possible take this cup away...BUT nevertheless let Your WILL be done."

If God gives us the desires of our heart...and He does, ask Him for your mate that He has for you and He will according to His word...give it to you. You have the choice of accepting or rejecting...
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